Another soul gone…

I can’t believe it, it happened so quick! Yesterday she was in the hospital for pneumonia, today, she’s gone. I guess it was meant to be that way because we didn’t have any time to figure out how to feel, or what to do… I am at a complete loss, I am blown away, freaked out. Here I go again thinking I don’t have any right to mourn, what about her husband? Kids, grandkids! BFF. Mom. Dad. Brother, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles. I feel so awful for them, my heart breaks for their loss. I wasn’t that close to her but I did know her, our babies were born around the same time, they played together when they were young. I talked with her on facebook, but that’s the extent of it, I know her husband pretty well and I really feel bad he lost his love!

What words can you say? I know they all must feel empty, I can’t even imagine, I don’t even want to imagine. I still think of Nichole, and my brother, and my dad. In my mind I run through the list of people I have known who have passed on. My great-great grandmother was the first one, I remember going to her funeral at a very young age. I also remember hearing my parents in the hallway saying, “She has to attend one sooner or later, why not now?” I remember not seeing her chest go up and down, I held my breath when I walked by to pay my last respects, I don’t know why, did I think she would catch it? I was young, didn’t know anything.

The older I get, the more people I mourn. Now the list is so long, I don’t even know if I can remember how many. I just keep thinking, where are they? Are they looking down on us? Are they floating around us watching us? Or are they already in heaven having the time of their souls’ life? Are they hanging out with David Bowie, Robin Williams, John Belushi? What are they thinking? Are they even thinking at all? I know I can “feel” souls around me but that may just be my memories of them, I still feel my brother, he was the closest to me that has passed I guess. Still fresh in my heart.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I should prepare myself for a much bigger bomb. I don’t want to! I don’t want to lose anyone else! I want to really feel every moment I have with every person I am in contact with. My kids today were so great, one little girl came to me and said, “Mrs. Logue, I think you need a hug,” she proceeded to hug me and I gave her a wonderful, endearing hug right back, what a cutie pie she is.

Have a great night, cherish every moment.