Sight, sound, rhythm and beat

I have been depressed lately. I’ve also had time to think about why. Christmas will never be the same. When I was younger, my dad, my brother, and every other family member was there. Over the years, some have drifted away, some have passed away, those childhood times of my brother on his new chopper bicycle, my sister with her new dress mom had sewn by hand, and my Mrs. Beasley doll. My other brother with his goofy grin and black heavy rimmed glasses, sneaking around the house looking for presents, you know. Well, at least I hope you have memories like that. Even when I was a single mom, I had to hide, wrap, hide again presents from Ashley to keep Santa alive as long as I could until I could explain in full detail of his existence. I realized it just won’t ever be the same. It’s kind of depressing. I can’t relive those times. It’s hard to recreate it all.

Today was Ashley’s 22nd birthday. I don’t know if I’ve told you this before but I promised her at a very young age, I wanted to make her birthday present (since it was so close to Christmas) an “experience present” every time, every year, so I wouldn’t be tempted to rewrap a Christmas present in birthday paper. Tonight I took her to see a show called STOMP. A very energetic broadway show of sight, sound, rhythm and beat. These talented people make ordinary things come alive and turn it into an extraordinary show. Everything from newspaper, matches, Zippo lighters, trash cans and their lids, brooms, broomsticks, shopping carts and water bottles come alive! It is a very entertaining show. They even throw some super comedy in which makes me forget things for awhile, it is super enjoyable. I can just image myself sitting there with nothing to do and find a gum wrapper and start crinkling it, and noticing it makes a sound, which I could turn into a beat. I imagine this might be how this show started. Tonight as I look back on our “experience birthday” this year, I realize I feel better. I think it’s just the simple fact that Ashley chose to spend time with me, her mommy. That makes my heart happy. I also just realized maybe that was just the experience I needed to push me back into happy land. Remembering the times we’ve spent together on her birthdays.

I know it’s cliche by now, but really just enjoy time with your loved ones. These are the times we will want to recreate when we can’t. I love you Ashley, I hope you had a great birthday today and tonight, thank you for spending time with me, I love you very much.

Mommy