Oil and Water Really Don’t Mix!

Oil and water really don’t mix. You can put them in the same container and shake them together for a nice salad dressing but they will never be the same scientific mixture. My dad was oil, I was the water. My dad was thick, older, set in his ways, hard to budge. I was younger, still learning to let things roll off me, (thanks Mindy, still remember that metaphor), learning to let go and let him be. We always butted heads. I said black, he said white. I said stop, he said go. We were exactly the same, I think that is why we found it hard to get along. I am not a victim, or helpless, and I am not asking for your compassion, but I had a very hard time growing up trying to please him. I was never “daddy’s little girl,” NEVER.  I always had to learn the hard way, I actually see it as a blessing, taught me to fight for the things I want.

My dad was a social butterfly, always had a joke for everyone, always lit up a room at a party, always had everyone laughing, even me sometimes. But behind the scenes, when no one was around, he was an angry, grouchy, grizzly. I did learn from him though, I try to deliver the same light-hearted attitude to people I meet. He seemed to always find something wrong with me, why wasn’t I doing this right or that yet? I know he loved me, he just didn’t know how to tell me, or show me. He grew up with a rough and tough father who yelled and screamed everyday at him all the time, at least that’s what I’ve been told. He was a different person when no one was watching. It was always a bet to see how long it would be before he would show his true colors to the new spouse in our family. Even my stepdaughter was so surprised the first time she heard him get upset! I know he loved me though. I told him all the time I loved him, I wanted him to hear it, even when he didn’t return the sentiment. I remember the one time he said he was proud of me. When I received my master’s degree. I still get a tear in my eye thinking about it.

We always used to tease each other. His birthday was August 26th, mine is September 5th, very close to each other. I am a teacher, I used to spend a lot of time at their house in North Carolina because I was off! My tease to him was always leaving on his birthday to come back home to PA, that was his birthday present, that I was leaving. He would say its the best present I could give him. It sounds super sad, but we did love each other. He was proud of me. I know he was. He told me. He got the last laugh. He died on my birthday in 2012. I don’t think he meant to die on that day but isn’t it ironic? I love you dad, even though you didn’t know how to show me, I know you did.

We are all blessed with people we miss desperately. Let’s be thankful for the time we got to spend with them.