Author: joysha2@aol.com

We’re going to Disney! Well, we really aren’t but what excitement creeps into me at the thought of it. So many short trips I have booked into the last few weeks of my summer. I usually like to book them early and have August to relax and mentally prepare for the start of school, but just didn’t happen that way this year. So now, my reserved short trip excitement is building and may just be overflowing into the start of school!

Excitement to me is the building of happiness for things yet to come. I usually try not to get excited because if for some unforeseen reason, my plans fall through, I will get sad. And I don’t like sadness. Sometimes I will get stuck in “what we could have done” and I don’t like to live in the “what if”. When this happens, I try to redirect myself into another thought or purpose for the time.

Excitement for me right now is building for a trip to the beach with my now grown daughter, Ashley. We hardly have any time together anymore. I hope we have fun while we are there next week. I am actually excited just for the time we will get to spend alone, and do the things we used to do together. I hope she has a good time with her mommy.

Excitement is also building for the Writer’s Digest Conference in NYC. My husband, Bill gets to come with me. Although I will be in classes most of the time, I am imagining some sightseeing things we may get to do. Just being out-of-town, in an exciting city, and time alone with my husband is enough to excite me! I hope everything goes well there too.

Well, off to pack and plan our excitement! I like being excited, do you? What excites you and why? Do you try to plan a little excitement for those you love? Here’s off to an exciting day! Plan and live some wonderful memories!

Some careers take the skill of listening. I hate to admit it, but I know I sometimes babble on, once I realize it, I try to stop immediately and get to the point if I haven’t already. Everyone’s time is precious these days. Time has always been precious, I think we are all just making that realization more and more, especially now as I/we get older. A bartender might have to listen a lot longer than a healer, therapist, or hair dresser. As soon as Val is done doing my hair, I leave, so her time listening to me ends quite well. She knows I’m not coming back for another 3 months! Of course, my masseuse/healer, Heather is a great listener! She wants to hear what’s going on so she can help me overcome it easier. Same with a therapist, that 50 minute timer goes off and poof! You’re done. Not only do we stop talking, they get to stop listening! But, they move on to the next talker!

I feel good inside when I know someone is listening. They ask questions, provide eye contact, and acknowledge you when you are speaking. They are genuinely interested in what you have to say, you can tell by their actions, body language. It feels bad when someone snaps back, “Yes! I heard you!” I have a hard time listening sometimes. I am not trying to be disrespectful, I just have a brain that doesn’t stop thinking. Something is always popping into my head thinking, I gotta do that, I must remember to send out the payment, go on Amazon and buy the solar eclipse glasses, and so on. I don’t mean to interrupt people but sometimes my thoughts overtake me completely. I really need to learn to listen more, and better, especially to my family and in my classroom. Thank God I don’t work in customer service I don’t know how long I would last!

Are you an active listener? or pretty much passive? I love to hear people’s stories, predicaments, and general goings on… Let’s all try to be more actively engaged in listening, it will spread good news and positive feelings!

Have a great day listening!

Today was a perfect day, and it’s not even over yet. The sun was shining, just a little warm, when I was up and moving around, with the occasional gentle breeze just when I needed it.

No list of things to do, even though I have a constant one in my head, but nothing pressing me that HAD to get done. I woke up early on a summer day, even so early, my husband and mom both remarked, “Why are you up so early?” Like it was so uncharacteristic of me! I don’t normally sleep late like I used to, and now 9:00 is late, so it really depends on your scale of “normal.” Two cups of coffee and it was time to get started, on what, I didn’t know yet. I showered and ate a low carb breakfast of bacon and eggs. (Low carb diets are so easy until the sun goes down…). I decided I would clean house, and that’s just what I did.

Polished the furniture, windexed (I bet you didn’t know that was a verb did ya?) all the glass, vacuumed and went a step further and shampooed the carpets! Golly! It was hard work! I didn’t realize how much exercise I was getting until 2:00 when the thought occurred to me that it may just be a good time for a nap! So, that I did. Nap. Until it was time to wake, or the time my neighbor decided to mow his lawn. But it was okay, I had already gotten in a few snoozes.

Now, the house looks great, I am well rested and ready to tackle the second half of the day, evening and nighttime. With that comes kitchen chores, schoolwork and deciding what to watch on TV for my background noise. It was a perfect day!

I hope you have a perfect day! And many more after that one, I really do. The world is a much better place when we all have perfect days. Whatever you consider to be perfect, I hope it happens for you.

Guilt, it’s not a good thing. It’s a bad feeling that you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes it causes us remorse and a desire to fix it, which is good, but how about the times when you feel guilty but really didn’t do anything wrong? I don’t get it, where did I learn that from?

Take for example, my day today. I have hurt my foot, I really don’t know exactly what happened but I can barely walk on it. I have pinpointed the pain to my Achilles tendon. I am thinking I just strained it somehow, maybe with the million miles I walked at the beach this past week. And, instead of stopping and taking it easy, I kept going. Kept exercising, kept walking, just wouldn’t stop. Now I’m in trouble, I can’t move. I’m stuck. Thankful for my husband who is taking excellent care of me, wrapping it in a cold compress, ordering me to elevate, and just generally doing more than his share to help me.

This morning when I slept in late, my foot feeling better from all the attention it had last night, it was cloudy and even drizzling outside. I thought, great! Inside day! But now that the sun is shining, I feel guilty for not going outside! Why? I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m forcing myself to get over it while fighting the paper war in my office.

Guilt is like regret in the present. When I feel guilty for a long period of time (usually for not doing enough chores!) I sometimes get depressed. I don’t like depression. It’s mean. Makes me think I am not needed, nothing I do is right, and it’s hard to lift yourself out of it, but that is the only cure. No one can tell you to “snap out of it!” You just have to lift up and out. My cure for these moods is to do something. Even with my foot bothering me I planted myself in my office to clean up, shred papers, well, you know the drill. Three bags of trash so far and yes, I am feeling better already! What makes you get out of a slump?

Summer is almost ending for me so school will be the official end of my slump, I won’t have any time to feel guilt, depression or a slump. Hope my foot feels better soon because I have a lot of work to do yet!

Shout out to my husband for taking such good care of my foot, I love you babe.

I don’t know about people who didn’t grow up without the East Coast, or any coast but my childhood included the beach, the boardwalk, and memories. I don’t remember any specific memories, I just remember having fun, being happy and spending time with my family, and the other neighbor family that we spent a lot of time with.
My mom told me I hated the sand on the beach. I wouldn’t move off the blanket and I wouldn’t touch the sand. When I did, I would scrunch up my face like a baby that just tasted a lemon. I did the same thing with soft grass at home! I love the sand now, I love what it does to my feet. I love how it seems to erase the icky feeling and makes me feel free, maybe that’s because I am barefoot, but the sand is a free pedicure. As long as the hotel doesn’t mind me bringing it in, neither do I.
I remember all the games, lights, sounds, prizes, food and best of all the rides, of the boardwalk! I don’t remember all the walking! Maybe I was in a stroller? Or on my dad’s shoulders? I remember pizza, ice cream, cotton candy, popcorn… I remember when my older brother begged my parents to go on the salt and pepper shakers (a ride that is extremely high, you get strapped in and get shaken up and down, hence, salt and pepper shakers) and promised he wouldn’t throw up, yup, he did. They were crazy! How could you not? I mean, eat all that good food, get thrown and tossed in the air, get shaken up and down repeatedly and NOT throw up? It was a recipe for disaster.
Right now I am sitting in a darkened hotel room with my wonderful husband sleeping away from today’s beach walk (easily 10K steps), boardwalk food and general beach day, typing away on my laptop wondering why and what makes me love this place so much when my knees are aching, my tummy is full and I can’t sleep. Oh, and my back hurts because I miss my mattress at home with only one pillow here and a rolled up beach towel pretending to be a pillow. It can’t be the long walk to the water, the boardwalk walk with the crowd of people, and the constant worry of if my car is ok across the street. It’s looking at the bright colors of the neon lit ferris wheel circling around and around, the late night music coming from the bar downstairs, the smells of fresh fudge, and the promise of the swim in the ocean tomorrow, oh, and the free pedicure. I wish my mom would come and remember with me more, maybe it would remind her of happier times too.
I am very grateful my parents felt the need to pack us all up, pile us all into the station wagon, save up money, drive down here, and let us experience the times of our lives, to be remembered always. Thanks mom and dad! Thank you for creating these memories for me, I appreciate it always and will never forget. If you can, try and create memories for someone else, they will thank you for it!

Oil and water really don’t mix. You can put them in the same container and shake them together for a nice salad dressing but they will never be the same scientific mixture. My dad was oil, I was the water. My dad was thick, older, set in his ways, hard to budge. I was younger, still learning to let things roll off me, (thanks Mindy, still remember that metaphor), learning to let go and let him be. We always butted heads. I said black, he said white. I said stop, he said go. We were exactly the same, I think that is why we found it hard to get along. I am not a victim, or helpless, and I am not asking for your compassion, but I had a very hard time growing up trying to please him. I was never “daddy’s little girl,” NEVER.  I always had to learn the hard way, I actually see it as a blessing, taught me to fight for the things I want.

My dad was a social butterfly, always had a joke for everyone, always lit up a room at a party, always had everyone laughing, even me sometimes. But behind the scenes, when no one was around, he was an angry, grouchy, grizzly. I did learn from him though, I try to deliver the same light-hearted attitude to people I meet. He seemed to always find something wrong with me, why wasn’t I doing this right or that yet? I know he loved me, he just didn’t know how to tell me, or show me. He grew up with a rough and tough father who yelled and screamed everyday at him all the time, at least that’s what I’ve been told. He was a different person when no one was watching. It was always a bet to see how long it would be before he would show his true colors to the new spouse in our family. Even my stepdaughter was so surprised the first time she heard him get upset! I know he loved me though. I told him all the time I loved him, I wanted him to hear it, even when he didn’t return the sentiment. I remember the one time he said he was proud of me. When I received my master’s degree. I still get a tear in my eye thinking about it.

We always used to tease each other. His birthday was August 26th, mine is September 5th, very close to each other. I am a teacher, I used to spend a lot of time at their house in North Carolina because I was off! My tease to him was always leaving on his birthday to come back home to PA, that was his birthday present, that I was leaving. He would say its the best present I could give him. It sounds super sad, but we did love each other. He was proud of me. I know he was. He told me. He got the last laugh. He died on my birthday in 2012. I don’t think he meant to die on that day but isn’t it ironic? I love you dad, even though you didn’t know how to show me, I know you did.

We are all blessed with people we miss desperately. Let’s be thankful for the time we got to spend with them.

 

 

Peace. What does it mean to you? To me it has always meant “peace and quiet”. Quiet means peace to me.  A cup of coffee in the quiet morning with the birds (sometimes they can even be a bit noisy), and late at night when everyone is sleeping are my quiet, peaceful times. I find I can concentrate on things during these times of peace. But then, thoughts soon rush into my mind, lists of things to do pop up, things I forgot to do, things I need to do, and things I want to do, immediately fill my thoughts. Is that really peace? As soon as a quiet time is achieved, and I think peace has come, it seems my peace has vanished with swirling thoughts! Usually, I try to write everything down, so I don’t forget it. When I do that,  peace seems to come eventually, and I do feel better, I feel more at ease.

As I begin my day and start my list, I may have a  moment of silence and my mind begins to drift, one of those lists pop into my head again and BAM! There goes my peace again! When I force myself to think of nothing but what I am doing, usually reading or writing, I can feel peace. And when I am finished the task at hand, I feel at peace. I really enjoy peace when I cross things off those lists!

What does peace mean to you? Can you feel when you need some more peace in your life? How can you get more peace? Do you like peace or are you more comfortable with the business of life?

Pressure, it can be good, or it can be bad. When I am under pressure for work, to get grades in for report cards before the deadline and a certain program closes on the computer, it’s like a race on Facebook. VERIFIED! Is a status I sometimes get jealous to see, wishing it was my status. Verified means, to us school district people, that ALL your grades are in, and everything is finished and you stand behind them and can seriously back them up with paper copies to administration, students, and parents, to prove it is a fair grade. Mind you, that is including about 8 subjects, approximately 8 to 16 grades in each subject, quite a bit of paper to convert to computer. Now common sense says to keep up on it. Each time an assignment is given, mark it right away and enter immediately. I ALWAYS do that…(insert a bit of sarcasm here). I have been keeping up much better lately in my old age I must say.

A diamond can’t be a diamond without pressure. A piece of coal will be just that without high temperature and high amounts of pressure, continually. A song keeps going off in my head as I write this… making diamonds out of us… Every time I am in a sticky situation and find my way out, I am under pressure. I have to figure my way out, and hopefully, I will remember next time (if there is one) what to do! In essence, I am becoming a diamond from a mere piece of coal, under pressure. After all, nothing will change if nothing changes. We have to make the change to see a change in our behavior, habits, moods, or lifestyle.

Are you a diamond? I am still a piece of coal working towards being a diamond, I hope. I want to be a diamond in my daughter’s life, in my husband’s life, in my mom’s life, in my stepdaughter’s life, in everyone’s life! I feel the pressure and the heat and I hope I learn my lesson the first time around so I can enjoy life more and with less pressure than the time before.

Be a piece of coal on the way to becoming a diamond.

I really don’t like these things. Just the sound of it sends shivers down my spine. Anxiety creeps in and tries to ruin my whole day and outlook on life. I don’t want to die! I don’t want to leave yet, I’m not done with life! I didn’t finish my bucket list, I didn’t even check off the top ten yet!

Recently, I had to get mine done. It is a service provided by my union so I literally had to do it. I can’t let a provided service go to waste, it’s just not in my blood. I met with the attorney initially and he asked me questions, I answered them, and I went on my merry way. That was ok I thought. But wait, that’s not all. Six weeks later, it comes in the mail, in print! Now I have to check it over and make sure there’s no mistakes! Augh! I have to relive it again?!  Today, I had to review it, check over it, rethink it, make sure it is what I have decided, make changes if needed, and review it with my own personal attorney if I wish. I trust them, but I trust my friend Alex a bit more, just because I know him better. By the way, thank you Alex, you have helped me in more ways than one in my life and I appreciate your knowledge and your willingness to share it with me.

Anywho, I hope I made the right decisions. I hope I don’t cause any ill will with the people I leave behind. I wish I could stay and love on all my family, my daughter, my husband, the grandchildren I don’t have yet (and in no hurry girls!) I hope I have done well by my family, friends, co-workers, children I’ve taught, people I’ve run into, church friends, strangers I’ve smiled at, animals I’ve loved, and I hope I don’t leave a mess for anyone to clean up! Please forgive me if I have done you wrong. I am enjoying my time on earth and I hope you do too!

Top Ten on Bucket List (Updated at Age 50)

1. Experience the Northern Lights
2. Visit Bora Bora
3. Skydive
4. Visit Greenland
5. Visit Iceland

Good times, right? When I was growing up, it was always stressful. Well, when everyone was due at our house it was. Everything had to be perfect in my dad’s eyes. The house, the food, the presents, the liquor cabinet, the decorations (Christmas was traditionally held at our home). When stress descended upon my father, it came out in his Italian (or Polish? I don’t know which) temper. I remember thinking I wish everyone was here already so daddy would calm down.

As a child, I had a great, happy time. I loved getting kissed and hugged, I loved all the laughing, smiling, playing and sneaking all the pickles and cheese we could grab without the moms noticing that’s all we were eating. It was just plain fun. Until we grew up. Then tensions started to grow. Uncle So & So did what? Aunt Who Ha went where?! Oh my! How could they do that? Why are they like that? I would NEVER do that!!!!! Actions and emotions began to creep in and stereotypes begin to fester. We had to learn to pretend we didn’t know about that tidbit of information.

Yesterday, we had Family Time for my husband’s 49th birthday. Even though I did experience a tinge of stress of making everything perfect, I tried not to stress over it, knowing I would be forgiven by my guests. I just cannot emphasize what a great time it was. We laughed, really laughed, like really hard, belly laughs. We ate really good food. We swam in the pool together. We joked. We talked about what was going on in our lives, our jobs, different things that had happened in our time apart, and just things in general. We didn’t have any attitudes, bad feelings, built up feelings or bad feelings toward each other, it was genuinely a perfect day. I can’t remember the last time I felt so much love. I only wished my daughter was there, I missed her because she was at work.

It is a cliché’ to say enjoy family time because everything may change in an instant especially in today’s world, but really, please do. The world needs more love today, more family time, more wonderful times that we can remember. Let’s forget the bad things and remember the good. Shout out to Shayna, Shayne, and Sam for making it a perfect day!