Author: joysha2@aol.com

I’ve been up to my eyeballs testing my children (yes, children, not robots to the state!) this week. One of the questions on their individual reading tests is “How do you pick a book to read?” The answer is quite simple, I always feel like saying… duh, I look at the cover! We are also supposed to open it up and see if it is a good fit, you know, not too hard, not too easy. See if we know most of the words, but not all of the words. Makes sense right? Then, we go out into the world and we are taught, don’t judge. I don’t judge, I don’t like when people judge me, the only one I will answer to is my almighty God when He brings me home. He is my one and only judge. And I want to impress Him, I want to live for eternity UPstairs, not DOWNstairs. But what if I left it up to my cover? Would anyone want to open me up and look at my words?

The past 48 hours have been eye opening for this tired teacher. I have heard things and been told things that are hard to believe. I could name 3 or 4 close people to me right now that have totally blown my mind with what I’ve been told. How could I have been so fooled? If I had judged these people’s covers,  I might have been prepared better.

People have really upped their game to making things “look” normal, healthy, wonderful, when in reality, they might just suck. For example, one adorable, beautiful couple with a great family have broken up, a close family member has gone pyscho, someone I thought I knew spewed out such obscenities it made me cry upon hearing them, such mean words that can never be taken back (when I know they were just said in anger), another someone puts on such a righteous front when in reality doesn’t even support someone they should… I have to stop, I’ve created a run on sentence, my kids should correct me. I am sitting here in disbelief!!!

Okay, then I shall turn on the T.V. and watch the news! People are dying from the flu!!!!! Missiles are headed to Hawaii, oh, wait, false alarm. Recalls on frozen waffles???? Cars are crashing on ice, cities are being flooded, most of California looks like a disaster area (like my mom used to call my room) first from the fires, now mudslides. Subzero temperatures. Is it 1,000 degrees somewhere? I can’t fix anything anymore! The game has COMPLETELY changed!!!!

Tomorrow I can’t wait to get to school, the only normal I am feeling is going to school with my babies, even though they aren’t babies, they are kids. I am going to show them how to enjoy their day. I am going to teach them not to be afraid of the dark and we are going to have Flashlight Friday again, my (and their) favorite kind of day. Getting lost in a book in the dark with a flashlight to read by.

I hope you all have a great day, night, week, or weekend, depending when you read this. Sorry if this post seems negative, I really am trying to let it out so the positive can replace it…

Oh boy, a “good” tired, what’s a “bad” tired? As soon as I say it or think it, the answer pops into my head. A bad tired is a tired I get from laying around all day and not doing a thing! A good tired is today. I had a super busy past couple of days. Everything on my list was done. Friday night I tried to run around and get a few things done before me and the hubby took off to the beach for the weekend. Yes, in January, on the east coast. Something about the beach in the wintertime, no tourists, no parking fees, ha! No sun, no warm, no restaurants open… no lines! It’s just a different way to deal, it’s still awesome.

We did get to see something I’ve never seen before, and quite frankly I think I would do it myself if I was in better shape. We witnessed a Polar Bear Plunge! For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s when a bunch of crazy people put their bathing suits on and go into the ocean during freezing temperatures. Some are for charity but I wouldn’t know for sure unless I signed up, which I think I want too actually. I’ve seen videos of Alaskan children playing in the snow in their underwear to “build up their tolerance” I think, but it’s done. If teaching in North Philadelphia for 18 years hasn’t built up my tolerance, I am thinking a Polar Bear Plunge might. Anywho, after the fun and relaxation this weekend, I had off yesterday to celebrate MLK Day, a respected man whom I feel, definitely left too soon for this world. Boy did I get things done! I know you don’t want to know my list but believe me, I did a lot of chores and checked off many things. After returning to school today with another list of things to do for the kids and administration, I am super tired. It’s a good tired. I’m allowed to go to bed at 9:00 tonight, right after I finish packing my lunch and picking out something to wear tomorrow.

Have a good night everyone, here’s to a good tired tomorrow, too.

My dad was what you would call “Fired Up!” A lot. He was the one who taught me, if someone doesn’t do something they were supposed to do, like in a company or service you’ve paid for, he’d say, “get fired up!” Get the manager on the phone, if he doesn’t fix the problem, go to HIS manager. And keep going until you get what you’ve paid for.

Gosh, though, I’m tired. Why should I have to do all that follow up? Why can’t people just do what they are supposed to do? Right now, I am going through a refinance of our mortgage. If you’ve ever done this, I can picture you rolling your eyes at me right now. Because my wonderful husband is a Desert Storm Vet, he qualifies for a VA loan, which means super low interest rates for some high rated credit cards for us to pay off. So, in the end, it will be all worth it, but come on! I paid for the wood destroying insect report on Saturday, and it is now late Wednesday night and I still don’t have what I need. What’s the problem? If I could write the check, the least they could do was give me the service I needed, right? I had to call, wait on hold for 30 minutes, explain what I needed… blah, blah, blah. Just do what I asked for!

I feel like I am always back tracking to make sure everything was done, and done right. This is why my mind races, I have concluded that it’s actually my To Do List over and over again. I’m tired, can someone else check on things for me? Please?

Just the mention of a snow day sends excitement down my spine. I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly, but it does. Was it the childhood feeling of no school? Playing in the snow? Sledding down old route 1 highway when it wasn’t open yet? Maybe it was just the time my dad spent with me and my brothers and sister, he was always the one to show us how to have fun in the snow. My mom was always the one who stayed home in the warm house who had hot chocolate with marshmallows ready for us when we came in.

Now, as a teacher, that same excitement sends a thrill through me! Is it the promise of sleeping in with no alarm? Shoveling the deck or the driveway? I know it can’t be making a snowman because last time I did that must have been in good ole Neosho, MO with Ashley! It can’t be the shoveling, because my sweetheart of a husband always does this part. He is the best shoveler in town. He is too sweet, will NOT let me shovel. After all, I should be making him hot chocolate not watching him!

Snow, ice, freezing temperatures reek havoc on our roads, our pipes, and our bodies. Our noses and cheeks get cold and red, our pavements crack, our roads get big potholes, and our pipes may burst, (when we lived in Missouri, that was our biggest concern, freezing pipes) yet, we still jump and holler “hooray!” when it snows. My husband and I always dream of getting snowed in… why? Maybe because we must stay inside? All warm and cozy… with no where to go, nothing to do. Not a single snowflake has fallen and he has already called an official pj day tomorrow.

I keep coming down to one point in my head. I am pretty sure I love the snow because of the white wash it gives everything. It just makes the ugly, beautiful. It gives everything a beautiful, white coating and everything just looks so pretty! Christmas lights are still aglow, the super moon has risen and it is so very still outside. The snow even muffles sound for me. What a wonderful, peaceful time. Maybe that is what I love! The peace, and the new start it gives me.

Take time to enjoy the snow. It might run amuck on your way somewhere, but just take it slow please… we would rather have you arrive late to your destination than not at all. Enjoy the fun in the snow, remember it, cherish it, pass it on to your children. They will love you for it.

I have been depressed lately. I’ve also had time to think about why. Christmas will never be the same. When I was younger, my dad, my brother, and every other family member was there. Over the years, some have drifted away, some have passed away, those childhood times of my brother on his new chopper bicycle, my sister with her new dress mom had sewn by hand, and my Mrs. Beasley doll. My other brother with his goofy grin and black heavy rimmed glasses, sneaking around the house looking for presents, you know. Well, at least I hope you have memories like that. Even when I was a single mom, I had to hide, wrap, hide again presents from Ashley to keep Santa alive as long as I could until I could explain in full detail of his existence. I realized it just won’t ever be the same. It’s kind of depressing. I can’t relive those times. It’s hard to recreate it all.

Today was Ashley’s 22nd birthday. I don’t know if I’ve told you this before but I promised her at a very young age, I wanted to make her birthday present (since it was so close to Christmas) an “experience present” every time, every year, so I wouldn’t be tempted to rewrap a Christmas present in birthday paper. Tonight I took her to see a show called STOMP. A very energetic broadway show of sight, sound, rhythm and beat. These talented people make ordinary things come alive and turn it into an extraordinary show. Everything from newspaper, matches, Zippo lighters, trash cans and their lids, brooms, broomsticks, shopping carts and water bottles come alive! It is a very entertaining show. They even throw some super comedy in which makes me forget things for awhile, it is super enjoyable. I can just image myself sitting there with nothing to do and find a gum wrapper and start crinkling it, and noticing it makes a sound, which I could turn into a beat. I imagine this might be how this show started. Tonight as I look back on our “experience birthday” this year, I realize I feel better. I think it’s just the simple fact that Ashley chose to spend time with me, her mommy. That makes my heart happy. I also just realized maybe that was just the experience I needed to push me back into happy land. Remembering the times we’ve spent together on her birthdays.

I know it’s cliche by now, but really just enjoy time with your loved ones. These are the times we will want to recreate when we can’t. I love you Ashley, I hope you had a great birthday today and tonight, thank you for spending time with me, I love you very much.

Mommy

Do rude people know they are being rude? I don’t think so. Can they be so oblivious as to how they treat people? I must say a couple of days before Christmas I did have to run out and pick up a few things that I had forgotten. As I was trying to squeeze past another shopper in the aisle, I excused myself and smiled. The other shopper who was also trying to get past the oblivious one, smiled at me and said “Merry Christmas!” She meant it, she wasn’t trying to be sarcastic, of course I smiled back and said, “Thank you, Merry Christmas to you also!” I understood she had been raised with social skills, and I felt a tinge of merriness as I continued to remember my list of things not to forget.

I host Christmas at our house. My mom taught me how to be a gracious hostess. I feel everyone should have something to commemorate the occasion. I always have small gifts on hand, extra food, an extra something “just in case”. My husband says, everyone doesn’t need a gift if they come. I am a very spiritual person and I know Christmas isn’t all about the presents. But, it’s a nice gesture, a candy bar, a pair of fuzzy socks, a small gift card inside a Christmas card. Something. Just to know I thought about you.

Social skills are something that is taught. If you don’t know what fork to use, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings if you use the wrong fork. But bringing something for the hostess, a dish to share, a smile, a small token, card or conversation always helps. It shows appreciation for the time spent trying to make sure your time is well spent. I understand if money is tight, I know the feeling. It doesn’t cost anything to have a great conversation and compliment someone on a job well done. Rudeness doesn’t do this, lack of social skills. I just pray and hope that it doesn’t carry on to the next generation.

It was so much easier when we were kids. I didn’t have to remember directions, to turn off the lights, to close the refrigerator door, pay the electric bill, get gas in the car. I thank God I had parents that did that for me. I am blessed to have had a set of great, responsible parents, they created a wonderful, meaningful family and childhood for me.

I’m feeling sad, or just melancholy today. Maybe it’s because of the snow and my brother has been on my mind. Seeing the Christmas lights in the snow is just beautiful and it brings back my childhood memories. In my mind, it was a white Christmas every year. It probably wasn’t but that really doesn’t matter does it? If I remember it that way, it must’ve been. I remember always going over my Aunt Edythe and Uncle John’s house in Robbinsville, NJ on Christmas Eve. I always remember my dad asking my mom if she wanted to take the long way home to see more Christmas lights in the snow. It always seemed the same amount of time but it was different on Christmas Eve. Us kids would lay down looking up through the back of the station wagon looking for Santa and his reindeer. Every plane in the sky had my dad yelling, “There he is! There he is!” I would usually question why Santa had lights on his sleigh. My dad would always have an answer for me, so the planes wouldn’t crash into him, so he could see where he was going… and so on. Whatever answer my dad gave me I accepted as the God’s honest truth. Him and my mom were probably laughing their butts off over me and my questions.

It just seemed easier back then. The golden days. If you have young children, make it easy for them, teach them well, they will always remember now for years to come. Make it easy for them.

I can’t believe it, it happened so quick! Yesterday she was in the hospital for pneumonia, today, she’s gone. I guess it was meant to be that way because we didn’t have any time to figure out how to feel, or what to do… I am at a complete loss, I am blown away, freaked out. Here I go again thinking I don’t have any right to mourn, what about her husband? Kids, grandkids! BFF. Mom. Dad. Brother, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles. I feel so awful for them, my heart breaks for their loss. I wasn’t that close to her but I did know her, our babies were born around the same time, they played together when they were young. I talked with her on facebook, but that’s the extent of it, I know her husband pretty well and I really feel bad he lost his love!

What words can you say? I know they all must feel empty, I can’t even imagine, I don’t even want to imagine. I still think of Nichole, and my brother, and my dad. In my mind I run through the list of people I have known who have passed on. My great-great grandmother was the first one, I remember going to her funeral at a very young age. I also remember hearing my parents in the hallway saying, “She has to attend one sooner or later, why not now?” I remember not seeing her chest go up and down, I held my breath when I walked by to pay my last respects, I don’t know why, did I think she would catch it? I was young, didn’t know anything.

The older I get, the more people I mourn. Now the list is so long, I don’t even know if I can remember how many. I just keep thinking, where are they? Are they looking down on us? Are they floating around us watching us? Or are they already in heaven having the time of their souls’ life? Are they hanging out with David Bowie, Robin Williams, John Belushi? What are they thinking? Are they even thinking at all? I know I can “feel” souls around me but that may just be my memories of them, I still feel my brother, he was the closest to me that has passed I guess. Still fresh in my heart.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I should prepare myself for a much bigger bomb. I don’t want to! I don’t want to lose anyone else! I want to really feel every moment I have with every person I am in contact with. My kids today were so great, one little girl came to me and said, “Mrs. Logue, I think you need a hug,” she proceeded to hug me and I gave her a wonderful, endearing hug right back, what a cutie pie she is.

Have a great night, cherish every moment.

Well, tomorrow is December 1st. So many things have been going on in my life, I don’t know where to start. 24 days until Christmas. It just seems so different, I don’t know how to describe it. This past year, I have experienced many lost souls, I don’t know how I became so close to death. I have never really thought about it so much! Missing my brother, Christmas day I am really going to miss him. In the past years his family never really came but he always did. It was nice seeing him. We would joke, do fun things, play the silly games I had ready, eat his deviled eggs (whatever was left that he didn’t eat on the way) and he would endlessly prove why an android phone was better than an iPhone, (funny how he is gone and I am ready to trade in my iPhone for an android!)

The next 24 days will be filled with decorating, baking, shopping, cleaning, wrapping, cooking, ordering, shopping, shopping and shopping. Not shopping at stores,  I tend to overdo it online a lot. They make it so dam easy! Keeping up with the packages and such. I used to send out a newsletter and cards but I don’t anymore, I wish I did. I always got nice responses. But, I still need to do the normal, routine things like food shop, lesson plans, get ready for my kiddos, and everything else. I wish I would just do it (the newsletter and cards). Something else just seems to jump in front, you know, priorities and stuff. So different from when I was a kid, and even when I was a single mom, it was totally different. Even though I worry a lot now, for some reason, I never worried about making sure Ashley had everything. I thank God for that.

Well, off to make my lunch for work tomorrow, dishes and set the coffee maker, you know, priorities. Have a great night!

Remember those mood rings? All my friends and I always had one, as if we needed a color on a ring to inform us of our mood! Too funny! One of my students showed me her new mood necklace awhile back, she was so excited to show me how it worked, and what the colors meant. It was very cute. I shared with her how me and my friends used to have them too. She didn’t seem impressed… until I went out and bought her her very own mood ring! Talk about excitement! She’s a great student, so she deserved her very own present from her teacher. She liked her gift. I know this because she wore it all week long, and let me know when the ring told her she was happy, and excited. I like her, she’s a good girl. She tries, she is beautiful, she is wonderfully behaved, and does all her work without telling her twice. She will go far in life and she will be successful I am sure.

I find it amazing how one little thing can change our mood. The whole day can be happy, good and flowing fine, until that one text, word, or remark can ruin it. I saturate myself with positive thinking and those memes on facebook. The advice goes something like this… “Think positive, don’t let others bring you down, the way you react to bad news determines your thinking and mood” and so on. I read, think and try to not let things bother me, but in fact, they do. It takes time and practice to forget about the things that push my buttons the wrong way. It’s just me. It’s my habit. I worry. I try not to, but I do. I must practice more diligently. Let it go! The frozen princesses even know better than I do! Sometimes (most of the time) I am my own enemy, my brain can mess me up something fierce. My friend Vickie posted last week that she wishes she could turn her brain off like a switch. Wouldn’t that be nice? Especially when we are trying to get some sleep. I vow, right now, to think of something positive as soon as something negative creeps into my brain.

Let’s try to keep that ring a lovely shade of blue! Have a great night everyone, off to heat up turkey leftovers.