Author: joysha2@aol.com

Remember that old Heinz ketchup commercial? Anticipation, anticipation, it’s making me wait. The ketchup was so thick and rich and slow, it would make us wait, unless we smacked it hard from the bottom. Then the ketchup had no choice but to come rushing out with a blop.

Life can be like a bottle of ketchup. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Getting excited for the taste, the thrill, the deliciousness. Right now I am waiting for Ashley to come over to spend her day off with me. I am anticipating her arrival! Tomorrow, I will be waiting for my other daughter, Shayna and our grandson, Eli! I will be anticipating their arrival also, wonder when they will be here? Are you on your way yet?

Another form of anticipation is the first day of school. It is easier to wait when I have to wake with the alarm, carry everything in, clean, set up, decorate, plan, clean out, arrange… but I am still anticipating the opening of school, I can’t wait to meet my new babies! Last year’s group was a bit daunting to me for some reason but I just have a feeling I am going to LOVE this year’s group! Slowly, but surely, I am beginning to plan things for the upcoming school year.

I also want to take this time to thank my school teacher friend Marianne. Thank you. She always has the knack to calm my nerves. Thanks Mare!

Here’s to the last 7-8 days of summer! Love summer break!!!Have a great day… she’s here!

Self care, why does that invoke guilt for me? That’s right, I feel a bit guilty when I choose to take care of myself! That’s crazy! I’m always taking care of everyone else, why not take care of me? I really don’t know what that is… I do what everyone says it is… massage, relax, binge watch Netflix. As quickly as I figure out what to do, something I SHOULD do pops into my head.

I like organizing! As I sit in my crazy, messy, unorganized home office, my mind jumps to write something! I was paying bills and cleaning out email and hopefully I can at least clear off my desk. It takes awhile to complete but once it’s done, I know I’ll feel better, then onto another room in the house. My friend Dierdre came over last week to swim in the pool in my backyard. She said, “This is great! You’re lucky you have all this!” I said back, “What? All what?” It seems I looked right past the beautiful backyard, the pool, the birds singing, eating at the bird feeder, the deck. I am so very thankful for everything I have to self care. Just relaxing in my backyard is self care. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, or expensive, just some quiet time. Soon enough my time will be filled with lesson plans, grades, packing, etc. I am just going to take the time now to self care, you should too!

Have a great night!

I know how some people feel about teachers having “off” during the summer. Just before I get started, just know that when I get paid during the summer, it is money I have already made, my during the year paychecks are smaller just to pay myself my own money that I earned so don’t get mad at me. This is what I was ultimately made to do, so that’s what I am going to do!

Yes, I already got depressed, it is hard making the transition from 21 little people needing you every second of every minute of every day to no one needing anything! I pulled myself out through sweat and chores. I am no where done yet on things I need to do around the house so one room at a time… I also daily pray for motivation.

Exercise is a pain. I can remember back when exercise was my addiction, how come I can’t feel that anymore? It’s really all in my brain, I tell myself, Tae Bo is only a half hour long, start now and you’ll be done in a half hour. My bike ride is half that amount so I did that today too. I did get to talk/text to my friend at school, I hate to bother her but she texted me first! Yay!

So, now I’ll settle into summer, get the last finishing touches on the pool (we need a new filter/pump or something) and learn my summer balance of exercise, house chores, online selling, taking care of mom and hubby and relaxing, oh! AND getting ready for next year, yup, already started that too!

Have a great summer start! Hopefully, I will get on and write more too! That always makes me feel better for some reason.

I know, I’m weird. I like Mondays. I just see it as a fresh start to a new week. Time to make things better I think. I am usually looking at my week in the classroom, what standard am I teaching? Do I like it? Is it one of my favorites? Usually if I like it, they will like it. I have a better attitude about it, can’t wait to try the new things, the activities, etc. If I’m having fun, they will have fun, and they will remember it. They will like it to, and hopefully, they will understand it, and never forget it. Seriously, that is my philosophy on education. Learning is fun. I like the feeling I get when I learn something new, I feel better, smarter, wiser.

Today was NOT one of those days! Tricked you didn’t I? Nothing went right. I wasn’t really late, but just not as early as I wanted to be. I had the activities, but ended up changing it half way through the lesson. I did get to my small group, where most of the learning comes, but changed that too. Why can’t I just leave things alone? From there on, everything went downhill. Oh well, I’ll try again tomorrow. After all, only 34 days left for me to make a difference this year!

Have a great night everyone! Maybe I can try Monday again tomorrow, only I’ll call it Tuesday.

So… today is PJ Day! Am I lazy or relaxing? I’ve been trying to start lesson plans all day! Yet, I am still sitting in front of two computers with a movie running in the background for noise. I put orange oil in the diffuser, thinking it will motivate me but my husband keeps sending me funny videos on a new app that makes you sound like you just sucked in a bunch of helium, yes, honey, it is funny. Yep! Blame it on him! I keep going back to the laptop for plans, but somehow an email comes in and rings, or a Facebook notification pops up.

I really have been busy, my whole life (ding, ding, email came in) is busy except for these days. Sometimes I feel like just doing it, other times I just don’t! I wonder how I can make the motivation come. I deserve to relax, right? I somehow still feel guilty, tomorrow is going to be a mess if I don’t finish today.

What do you do to relax? Just lounge around? I know my work out friend probably sits and reads a book, she is a reader. I used to call myself a reader but lately all I read is children’s books to my kiddos. She gave me two books for Christmas, I should just start one, wait, one is yoga poses, I’ll have to get up and try that book!

Anyhow, just felt like writing a bit, hope you guys are staying warm in this polar vortex which is almost over and spring will be here Tuesday! Have a great day, whether it be relaxing or lazy….

Well, it’s that time of the year again, my daughter Ashley’s birthday. I remember when she was born and due around Christmas. Everyone would say, “Have her on Christmas Day!” “Have her on New Years Eve!” , like I had control on when she would come. Actually, I kinda did because I had a scheduled C section, but my doctor decided, not me.

I get so melancholy about this time. So emotional. I went to the doctor today for a routine visit and he asked me if I was depressed. I thought, “yea! that’s it, depressed!” After further discussion he concluded that I wasn’t depressed because I could laugh the next minute after I was sad, no, not bipolar he said. I think you are just overwhelmed with responsibilities. I think he is right, which brings me back to Ashley. She is my best responsibility.

When she was little and I was a single mom, it was hard. But it was mine. I did it because I was supposed to and I loved having her, my best friend, the best kind of best friend because she loved to do anything I wanted to do! It was just me and her, her and me. She could never let me down, she didn’t know how too! We were the best of friends, did everything together. She didn’t know she liked something until I showed her. I didn’t want her to miss out on anything at all. Because her birthday falls around Christmas, I promised her an experience birthday present every year. A Broadway show, the orchestra, the ballet, an off Broadway show, a trip to NYC, Center City Philadelphia to see STOMP, ice skating in Rockefeller Center, anything we could think of. She became an expert at going to NYC on the train. Saturday she turns 23 and we are on our way to NYC tomorrow! We are both excited. We will be staying at The Wyndham New Yorker, a fancy hotel. A hotel chain she now works for here at home. We have no plans, just to do what we want, when we want. We may just stand in line for seat filler tickets for a show.

Okay, I’m babbling. Her boyfriend of six years asked her to marry him and she said yes. Now I am going through the emotions of letting her go, again! I let her go when she moved out and now I feel like I have to do it again. This sucks. But I’m not going to let it, I am going to enjoy my time with her, every minute, in The City That Never Sleeps! I love you Ashley.

I can’t help but miss the excitement. I remember when I was a child, the excitement of it all. We would go to my Aunt Edythe’s house in Robbinsville, NJ for Christmas Eve dinner, those days are gone. On the way home, my brothers, and sister and I would lay down in the back of the station wagon looking up in the sky for Santa flying over us. My dad had convinced me we would see him, and we did! Each and every time. Now I know it was an airplane, falling star or another flying object in the dark, night sky, but back then it was the one and only Santa himself. I know it, my dad said so.

We would look at all the Christmas lights in the neighborhood, rush home to get in our pjs, leave some cookies out, and rush to bed so he would stop at our house. My parents used the line many of us have, go to sleep or he won’t come… as if we could sleep with all the hopes of the next morning. Sometimes I would hear rustling of packages, but that only made me bury my head further under the sheets so he wouldn’t find out I was still awake.

I also remember doing all the Santa stuff for my Ashley. I was determined to make her Christmases as good as anyone else’s no matter if I was a single mom or not. Yes, I said all the same things, did the cookie thing, the rush to get to bed, only so I could set everything up and go to bed myself!

I consider myself a Christian, so I am well aware of the meaning of Christmas. I know Jesus is the reason for the season and I love the trinity of Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit. I just miss the traditions of the Santa story, I am missing children in my house! My daughter has her own house now, and I am glad she went to church with us tonight but you know what? She wanted to go home to bed! No excitement there… kinda sad as I look at pictures of her on my desk right now, as a sweet little girl who didn’t have to work three jobs to pay her rent. I miss long ago Christmas. Nothing is the same anymore.

Anyway, have a wonderful Christmas morning tomorrow, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I’m going outside on my deck to look for flying objects in the night sky…

With all the lottery excitement going on, I couldn’t help but dream… my mom said I was getting out of control. All I said was I would pay off this house, buy one in Hawaii, and buy a private jet to fly there anytime I wanted. That isn’t so far fetched, is it? I would also fly to see the Northern Lights, all those places on my bucket list. It’s ok to dream. Just paying off all my credit cards would be cool.

It is also funny because I rarely buy lottery tickets! I think it’s a waste of money. I’m not that lucky, never have been. Rarely have I ever won a contest, office pool, or lottery. I just don’t even think I have a chance. It would be cool if I did win, I guess I should start buying them! After all, I could make just one million go a far way!

In reality, I have won the lottery. I have a house, a job, a beautiful daughter, step daughter, grandson, and a great husband, many friends, family, and my class of kids. I have everything anyone could ask for, I WON!

PS. Guess I better go make my lunch for work tomorrow, HA

I’ve recently run into a bully. On Facebook. Not a friend, just a bully on a public forum. She was a fellow teacher. She was blaming teachers who teach and saying it was my fault I was part of the problem today because she was told to improve her teaching, she didn’t, and now she’s being let go.

Get over it lady. I’ve been teaching for 35 years now, 20 of those years in the inner city, poverty stricken neighborhoods of Philadelphia. I’ve been told millions of times how to make my teaching better. And I did. I did what they told me, again and again. How does that hurt? Trying to take constructive criticism hurts but it helps make you better. Try it, you might like it. I think I am a good teacher, but not because of all the thousands of hours of Professional Development and classes, and lectures, and blah, blah, blah. (Even though it does help, sometimes… my bosses may be reading this! HAHA!) I think I am a good teacher because I love my kids. I want to see them succeed and I want to teach them that they can make IT happen. IT, whatever IT is. I don’t care where they come from, what has happened, what color they are, who their brother is, who they pray to, I LOVE THEM. You have no idea (or maybe you do!) how it feels for a little one to run up to you and share something exciting to you. The best part is when you were involved, typically the day before.

Don’t get me wrong, teaching is hard. Not only are 100 tennis balls being thrown at you at once, you are still tending to the needs of 25 little hearts. Oh, and administration, telling you you aren’t doing enough, you need to do more. And I do, I do the more, just to get it done, to spend another day with that little girl or little boy that will run to me tomorrow morning and tell me about the dream she had when she was reading, her book started tickling her… (when she reads to me, I tickle her), LOVE.

Lady, get over it. Either try something new to get better or get out. You are wasting our precious time in this dying breed of teachers who LOVE.

I’ve always had this bit of a fear to be proud. I’ve always thought that if you were too proud, you would get knocked back down to humble real quick, and if you’re anything like me, those humbling moments hurt. But, the key word in that previous sentence is “too” as in too proud. I have to take a moment to tell you how proud I am of my daughter Ashley.

She grew up without a dad. Her dad put himself into a situation where she had to grow up without him. All his choices, not her fault at all. I always wished she had a daddy, but she did for only for the first 2.5 years of her life. My dad was around her a lot, and he treated her like a daddy’s girl, but it wasn’t everyday, all day. I was a single mom to her for about 12 years, then she got a loving stepfather, my husband, Bill. It was a bit too late for her though, she had already built up that wall. Bill and her do get along now and she does have him as a father now, and they hug now too! (It was always a struggle to get her to hug him).

Anyhow, I have just returned from North Carolina. It was half business, half relax. I had to go to get tenants removed from my parents house, court, and tons of things to do to get it listed for sale. We were victorious in our court case but I had felt like a failure because I allowed the defendant to lie, lie, lie. I have a problem keeping my mouth shut, but in court I didn’t. My mouth was sealed shut.

I wanted to be respectful since I did everything legally and didn’t want to waste my mom’s money. It hurt. He lied, thank God my attorney objected and the judge ignored his lies. He still got out of the house, I still have to deal with him a bit longer but the end is in sight!

After court that day, I was in a terrible slump. Yes, at the beach, on vacation, nothing I could do to pick myself up. Until Ashley. She convinced me to take a short ferry ride to Bald Head Island, off the coast of North Carolina. She pulled me up, convinced me to move on. Her attitude cheered me on, convinced me the end was near (of the tenant) and had encouraged me there was more for us to do. I am so proud of her. Somehow I think I raised her to be that way, and I am glad I did. I am so grateful it all stuck and she practices it. Not to mention, she helped me pack, load, unload, wash, clean, carry, drive, clean up, cook, helped me with techie stuff… the list goes on. I am so incredibly thankful for her help. The minute I dropped her off after our trip, I missed her. I love her so much. I am so thankful for my mini me, that was me, just many years ago. I hope I am that much help to my mom. I love her beyond belief and I thank God for her everyday. Thank you Ashley, there are no words to describe how much love I have for you.